I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
