He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize