I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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