You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
