im drinking this country out of the recession.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
