The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
