We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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