jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm too high and old for this...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize