birth control should be required to get into college
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
