I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
