Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
