You're so nebulous sometimes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
