Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
