Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
