the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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