let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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