i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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