There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
