Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
