Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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