i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
