He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
