How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it's great music for shaving your balls
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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