if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
