I faked an abortion last night.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
