You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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