Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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