What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
