What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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