i was rollin on her like bob the builder
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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