Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
