I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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