Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
