Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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