Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
