This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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