are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
