you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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