I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
