I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize