I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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