there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
