Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
