Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
