based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
