Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Jerry, you need to find god
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
