In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize