I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
