New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
