Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
