How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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