I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
