Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just puked most of my soul out..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize