Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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