Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize