She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
