And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
