My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
