whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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