Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
