just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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