I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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