i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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