I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
